A friend had sent me a mail to describe love by the following words.:
[ Give love an unconditional acceptance to those you encounter, and notice what happens, love has its own time, its own season, and its own reasons from coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. Love is eternal -- the aspect may change, but not the essence. There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning. The lamp was there and was a good lamp, but now it is shedding light too, and that is its real function. and love makes one calmer about many things, and that way, one is more fit for one's work.]
Those words seem sweet and warm, coming from a kind heart full of life. But is it enough to feel love as fire and to go flying like a bird in the sky?.
So, what is coming first love or marriage?
All experiences of love that we see in people's lives, friends and in all societies, despite their diversity and complexity of their backgrounds, finished by failing. They did not show the power of love as much as they indicated a strength desire to get love.
All experiences of love did not recognize the real way and did not reach the essence of true love, for what, this search for ideal man or ideal women is still in the growing myth of life in the bowels of an orphan dream.
Some of them thinks that the logic of mind is most strong than the logic of love, love was treated in their life like a machine for making blind instinct.
And some of them dominated the logic of love on the logic of mind, love was in this fact as a flower rose and looked for water without finding it.
Now let us ask: what is the nature of true love ..at any time we can say that it is born?
It is important to notice that more experiences of love through marriage declared not successful, and statistics on the subject show well this reality:
'' In a study carried out by Cairo University (a university of neutral orientation; which is not an Islamic authority to be subject to doubt of being biased) about what it called “love marriage” and “traditional marriage”, the following was concluded:
According to the study, 88 percent of marriages which take place after a love affair end with failure, i.e., with a success rate of not more than 12 percent. As for what it called “the traditional marriage”, according to the study, 70 percent are successful.
In other words, the number of successful marriages in the so-called traditional marriage is six times more than love marriages. [Risaalah Ila Mu’minah]
This study is confirmed by another similar one carried out by Syracuse University in the U.S. The study indicates beyond doubt that love or passion is not a guarantee for a successful marriage; rather, it often leads to failure. The alarming rates of divorce assert these facts.
Commenting on this phenomenon, Professor Saul Gordon, a lecturer at the aforementioned University said, "When you are in love; to you the whole world revolves around this person whom you love. Marriage then comes to prove the opposite and destroy all your perceptions. This is because you discover that there are other worlds that you have to be aware of. It is not the world of humans, but the world of concepts, values and habits which you paid no attention to before." [Ibid]
Frederick Koenig, a professor of social psychology at Tulane University, says, "Romantic love is very strong and emotional, but does not last, while real love is linked to the land and life and can withstand trials." He adds, "It is impossible that one adapts the powerful emotions in romantic love. This love seems like a cake, a person enjoys eating it [while it lasts], then it is followed by the period of downfall. While real love means sharing the concerns of daily life and cooperation for it to continue. Within the framework of this cooperation, one can achieve his human need." [Al-Qabas Newspaper: Quoted from Risaalah Ila Hawwaa’]
The love which the writer talks about and calls “real life” was expressed in the Quran as affection. Allaah ( God ) The Exalted Says (what means): {And of His Signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.} [Quran 30: 21]
The relationship between spouses is based on affection and mercy, not on ardent love, desire and passion. It is a relationship which is based on quiet love (affection) and mutual mercy, not illusions of love which fail to withstand reality or romantic fantasies which fail to create a successful marriage.'' 1
Looking around us, life seems normal all people work, eat, sleep and make love. Everything seems normal, but in the absence of time and in the margin of life, there are husbands and wives away from the house of marriage, use to steal moments, may be few, but offer them an insane desire to taste love that never comes. These moments of infidelity: conviction in the eyes of the community, but in their eyes: a few moments to restore the lost meaning of love in their time.
Even for those who refused to dance and canceled the game, make themselves suffering in love, become prey to psychiatric illness. These dramatic scenes of making love has become common in all human societies.
So, where is the solution?
God created human, bestowed by the grace of existence, gave him a body, spirit,, mind, heart and thought. God honoured human and preferred him completety in the universe. But human cannot know the straight path without guidance of God., for what there is ISLAM " the same religion which was preached by all the prophets and is further elaborated through the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. God ordered him:
"Say: We believe in Allah and in that which was revealed to us, and in that which was revealed to Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and the tribes and in that which was given to Moses and to Jesus and to other Prophets from their God; we make no distinction between any of them, and to Him we are Muslims." A I-Qur'an 3:84
